Wild
by Tonyandtheboys
Summary: The team discovers a side of their Captain they never knew existed when an incident pushes part of the crew to relive their worst memories and Jim pretends he doesn't remember. This is just the wrong moment for an unknown ennemy to try and hurt the Enterprise.
1. The Incident

This story exists thanks to the reviewers of _Just go ahead, Admiral_, who have been awesome and made me want to write more about my favorite Captain.  
Thank you, CuppaTea13, for beta-ing the story so quickly and efficiently, you've made it better.

Expect 4 chapters in total. Hope you like it!

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Leonard McCoy couldn't help but swear out loud when he realized he'd been reading the same sentence three times on his PADD but still had no idea what it said. He sighed, put the PADD back on his desk, and checked his comm again just to make sure he hadn't missed a call.

He could feel the look of Nurse Chapel on him as he grumbled curses under his breath. Damn it! He should be glad Jim was alright. He should be celebrating, in fact! McCoy had lost count of all the away missions that had ended up with a trip to sickbay these past few weeks. He'd had to order twice the usual amount of hypos any other ship on the same mission used. He'd actually been asked to write a report on the reason he needed so many different kinds of meds! His answer had been: "_James T. Kirk"_, but somehow his superiors had deemed it insufficient. They just didn't know the man.

He heard wheels and turned to see Chapel rolling the stretcher to the door. Smart woman, that Nurse Chapel. He was not the only one expecting a disaster.

Jim had come back from his last mission more than half an hour earlier, and the CMO still hadn't been comm-ed to the bridge for an emergency. The Captain had been a bit roughed up and Sulu had been checked for a possible concussion because of the hit to the head he'd received, but none of them had anything serious enough to prevent them from going back to the bridge. Still, something in McCoy's guts was twisting. He hadn't liked what Jim had told him of his mission. Scientists trying to experiment a new drug on Sulu and him? No, he hadn't liked that at all. Jim had assured the drug was still experimental and hadn't worked. He had sworn the scientists told him it only lasted a few minutes before it was washed out of the system. McCoy would have snorted and brought his Captain's ass back to sickbay regardless of those pretty promises... had his tricorder not said the same. Everything looked alright.

McCoy sighed again and passed a hand on his face, trying to wash away his wariness. Maybe he was just so tired it made him paranoid. Maybe he just needed a good night of sleep. Maybe everything was _actually_ alright.

"Bridge to sickbay, bridge to sickbay!"

Then again, maybe not.

"Yes, Lieutenant Uhura?" Nurse Chapel answered right away (she had positioned herself by the nearest wall comm, the shrewd woman).

"Send Doctor McCoy to the bridge. The Captain... The Captain and Sulu, they're-"

McCoy didn't hear the end of that sentence, the door had already swooshed closed behind him as he walked out of the medical bay grunting and swearing.

McCoy always hated it when his guts were right.

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Still, he hadn't expected the sight waiting for him at his arrival. Sulu was trashing by his chair and Jim looked lifeless on his. _Lifeless_. Bones's heart lurched to his throat, his insides going cold and his neck tingling at the same time. In a fleeting thought he wondered since when he felt like passing out at the sight of limp bodies.

"He's alive, doctor, just unconscious," Spock said, obviously reading him.

And if Spock said it, then it had to be true. Still, McCoy shook himself and glared at the hobgoblin for no reason. Damn it! Leo was not supposed to need reassurances, _he_ was the doctor! So he steeled himself, armed with a tricorder and a bunch of hypos, ready to do whatever he could to bring his friends' asses back to consciousness.

As he bent on the Captain chair, Bones forced himself _not_ to see the paleness or unnatural stillness of his best friend. He didn't realize he was glaring at Jim harder than he ever did as he scanned his body with his instruments. There was a pulse, that was for sure, but it was racing as if Jim was running for his life and the readings on the tricorder said... wait, that had to be wrong.

"Their brain activity indicate that... they're dreaming."

Just as he said it, Jim's body jerked forward and he fell to the ground too. He had clenched his fists in death grips and furrowed his eyebrows as if to confirm that this was a nightmare. McCoy was getting frustrated, the readings on Sulu said the exact same things, the only thing wrong with them was the heart rate, other than that, they seemed to be sleeping.

"I need to bring them down to sickbay to do more tests, this is not enough", he showed the poor material he had managed to bring with him.

Uhura was already comming Nurse Chapel to warn her of their arrival when McCoy tried to pass a hand under Jim's neck and legs to carry him. The sweat made his hand slip right off and he would have tried again but the body of his best friend had reacted immediately by retracting onto itself.

"Maybe I can..." Spock said, drawing closer to Sulu without needing to finish his sentence.

His fingers found the psi points he was looking for and instantly, Sulu's body relaxed under him. Spock didn't move though, still focused, eyes closed and still.

As the First Officer used his telepath skills to do God knew what, McCoy finally noticed that the whole crew was standing up on one side of the bridge, looking alarmed or worried, their eyes going from Spock's ministrations to the Captain, still completely unmoving by McCoy's side. The doctor swore again, this time in his head. He could do nothing to help.

After several seconds, Spock opened his eyes and straightened up.

"I believe you were right, doctor. It appears Mr. Sulu was experiencing a bad dream that I could take him out of. He is now sleeping dreamlessly and should wake up in a few hours."

"The Keptin, do it to the Ketpin now!"

McCoy was surprised to see little Chekov ordering Spock so decisively. He looked up at the kid only to see his attention entirely focused on Jim. The seventeen-year-old genius looked absolutely terrorized. Not worried, terrorized. Leonard could understand why. Though Sulu had been crashing around as if fighting for his life, Jim's stillness was eery and disconcerting for his crew, so used they were to see him bubbling with life, always borderline restless. And Jim's face was far from smiling that cheeky, rascal grin of his. No, his face was completely closed. McCoy's blood was pumping in his ears. He realized he was scared too.

Spock was already squatting to repeat whatever he had done for Sulu to Jim. The Vulcan approached his hand to the Captain's face, nearly touching it when-

He jumped back.

McCoy didn't know if it was just his imagination, but he could've sworn that the first officer was by the bridge's door faster than humanly possible. A moment he was there, ready to help Jim to rest, the next second he was on the other side of the room, panting heavily, his face actually _**distorted**_ for one of the first times in Leonard's knowledge.

Uhura ran towards him, but Spock walked back, as if drawing away from any potential contact. The communication officer stopped short, startled at his obvious rejection. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out, trying to calm down, and his face regained his usual composure, though Bones was sure the mask was not half as solid as it had been before.

"What the hell just happened?" McCoy yelled. He still had his hands on Jim so he knew it wasn't some kind of energy shock, which meant Spock had reacted that way because he was a touch telepath. This was so not good.

"I- I believe," Spock started, and Leonard wondered if he was going to be the first CMO in history to have to sedate a Vulcan with a hypo. "I do not know what I believe," Spock finally said slowly as his eyes fell back on Jim. "I do think, however, that you should sedate him, doctor."

"He's already sleeping," McCoy snapped back, thinking of all the things that could go wrong if he did try to sedate Jim without knowledge on what he had ingested.

But Spock did not understand. The green hobglobin was not thinking straight, McCoy realized, or else he'd be worried about the allergic reactions too. What the hell had happened to the Vulcan?

"His mind is under – he feels so much- you should sedate him, doctor," Spock repeated, and even Uhura seemed shocked at the state of her boyfriend-or-whatever-they-called-themselves.

"Whatever they did to him, I can't be sure it won't react badly with my hypos. Jim has the worst immune system in the history of Starfleet. He may be having an allergic reaction right now."

"It would have shown on the readings."

"So would whatever poison they gave him. We were wrong thinking their experiment failed and leaving it at that," McCoy said self-reprovingly as guilt made its way into his chest. "He did say the scientists that gave him that shit were sure it wouldn't last long."

"Doctor McCoy," Spock said, and his voice, though controlled, seemed to hold an urgency and a finality that Vulcans weren't supposed to express. In fact, Bones had that feeling that just by saying his name, Spock had just snapped a _"Listen to me, dumbass!_" at him.

"His mind is undergoing emotions _far_ too _strong_ for the human mind to comprehend _or_ support for too long," the Vulcan resumed, and McCoy could've sworn something twitched in the First Officer's face. "If you do not do something to end it, it is my belief that the Captain _will never wake up the same_. _If_ he wakes up."

Here it was. The fear again. Leonard McCoy's mouth snapped shut, lips tightly pressed as he made the decision. His heart was beating like crazy and he thanked God he could still think straight enough to look for the right hypo in his bag. He was finding the right vein on Jim's neck and was about to press –

"Goddamn-!" Bones yelled, surprised and hurting like hell.

Jim's eyes had shot open the second the hypo had grazed his neck, and McCoy had realized that two incredibly blue sapphires were looking at him only when an elbow had crashed into his forearm, making him throw the hypo away, and another hand had grabbed him by the neck, choking him with unnatural force.

Bones hadn't even had time to compute what was happening. One second he was trying to help Jim, the next, the very man who had been lying unconscious was sitting on his lap, pinning him to the ground in a death choke, his knees digging in his arms to keep them from trying anything. Leonard didn't even try to understand. The only thing he could see was that face. The face of his best friend, morphed into something he had never seen before in his life. It was cold and lethal. Determined and yet... void of all life.

"Keptain! Keptain stop!"

"Jim, you're going to kill him!"

Leonard saw someone approach, but Jim blocked whoever it was without even looking away. Bones didn't try to plead. He couldn't even think, shocked by that look. There was nothing remotely familiar in it. His best friend was like an animal.

And then he came back.

Jim blinked once, then twice, before his eyes widened and he realized who was under him. He nearly fell on his ass as he stumbled away until his back touched his Captain chair. He looked so shocked that nothing happened for the longest time. Jim, the Captain, was looking at his best friend with his face so openly showing terror that Leo couldn't react for a while. Bones knew, as he breathed deeply and massaged his sore throat, raised up on one elbow to look at Jim, that the only thing his friend was afraid of right now was having hurt someone.

"I'm okay, Jim. We're all alright," he managed to croak.

"You were unconscious, Captain," Uhura said softly, hiding her own shock behind a calm exterior that McCoy envied. "And doctor McCoy tried to sedate you but you woke up in the process."

There was still something dark and remote in Jim's eyes, and as they were still locked on him, Leonard wondered what exactly his friend was really seeing beyond the bridge and its crew.

"You're sure you're okay, Bones?" Jim asked, his voice more hoarse and out of breath than usual. Noticing it, he cleared his throat and passed a hand through his hair, closing his eyes for the first time. "I'm sorry, I really wasn't totally conscious yet," he told his friend, and this time, Leonard believed Jim was really coming back to his usual self. "Why didn't anyone stop me, for God's sake?" he grumbled, looking at Uhura since apparently she was doing the explanations.

"We tried but you- you were really strong."

Jim's face nearly automatically moved to search for his First Officer's excuse (Vulcans were three times stronger than humans, it was only logical for Spock to be the one to try and bring him down), but a flash of _something_ passed in his eyes and his head snapped to the other corner of the room, avoiding the Vulcan's scrutinizing eyes at the last second. _What the hell? _McCoy didn't miss the way Spock's eyes were glued to the Captain, his expression the one he always wore when trying to solve a new mathematical problem.

"Damn Kirk Luck strikes again I guess, huh?" Jim joked lightly, shaking his head. "Pavel, help McCoy up please, he's just gonna catch a cold, lying on the floor like that." Jim only winked at Leonard's dark glare and protests that he could very well handle himself. Then the blue eyes fell on Sulu's body, still somewhat under his desk, and his attitude switched back onto Captain mode right away.

"Pavel, leave the old man and help me move Sulu. We'll get him to sickbay."

"Jim, in your state, we should be carrying _your_ ass down to-"

"I'm perfectly functional, Bones. Seriously, I feel like I just woke up from a nap or something."

Bones couldn't help his eyes from jumping to Spock as he felt the decidedly quiet First Officer stiffen. What the hell had the Vulcan seen or felt? "_The Captain will never wake up the same._" Leonard yielded his tricorder again, scanning Jim for the fourth time that day. The Captain rolled his eyes.

"I'm telling you I'm fine, _Doctor_, your torture instruments seem to agree with me, so can we move on and help the guy who's _really_ unconscious?"

Bones asked Uhura to call for a stretcher instead. Kirk rolled his eyes again, but the CMO didn't give a damn.

"What happened, Keptin. Were you really dreaming?" Chekov finally said from where he was sitting by his unconscious friend, taking his head to place it carefully on his lap.

Jim looked at the kid's movements silently for a few seconds before he smiled again and moved to his chair, sighing loudly as he sat.

"I can't remember, Chekov."

And as the words settled and everyone accepted them, there was only one thing Leonard could think. _Liar_.

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So, what do you think?


	2. Worry

2-

McCoy rolled his eyes as he heard Chekov whisper to his best friend. He was trying to show Sulu his PADD discreetly so the doctor wouldn't throw him away, so he was awkwardly bending over the patient's bed with his back to the desk Bones sat at. McCoy snorted. The CMO had spotted the Ensign the second he'd arrived and was only pretending not to notice him because he enjoyed watching the clumsy teenager trying to be stealthy.

"_Take my lady out of here!_" the voice of Jim came through, way too loud, and Bones shook his head.

"Seriously, kids, if you're trying to watch a secret vid, at least turn the volume down first!" Leonard said, arriving from behind Sulu's bed. He tried not to snort when Pavel jumped back so fast he nearly fell on his ass trying to hide the PADD. The Russian prodigy was a deep shade of pink when he looked up to face McCoy's glare, but Sulu seemed more amused by his friend's reaction than ashamed, so the CMO figured it couldn't be so bad.

"I don't care what you're doing as long as you keep it down," McCoy explained. The relief on Pavel's face was so obvious that the doctor put aside his usual rants about letting teenagers on starfleet ships for another time.

"Actually Sir, I just asked Pavel to bring me the surveillance vid of the moment the Captain and I went unconscious," Sulu explained calmly.

Bones's expression must have been somewhere between "_why the hell would you do that_?" and "s_hould I be concerned_?" because Sulu resumed right away:

"I've been told it was all pretty scary and weird, and I wanted to see why."

The helmsman actually sounded like he found the whole thing _cool_ somehow, and McCoy felt way too old.

"You know, for a moment I really felt I was back _there_. It's so strange knowing I never left the ship. I was actually _safe_ all along..." Hikaru wasn't looking at anyone as he said it and shrugged, and Bones cursed. Maybe this wasn't just childish. Maybe the helmsman really needed a sort of anchor, a proof that he was _here_ and not _there_. Wherever that might be.

"Do you still remember what you saw?"

"Oh yes, vividly," Sulu answered honestly, and Chekov patted his shoulder. "Can we watch the vid?"

Chekov took McCoy's usual eye roll as a yes and turned the thing back on. The doctor didn't leave though. Something was actually tugging at him to watch too, he _wanted_ to see it. The angle was not great, but you could see Sulu at his desk and Kirk in his command chair. Bones only noticed Spock had stood up to go stay by the Captain's chair when he realized how Jim's eyes always went back to Sulu. Then he spotted something else, less obvious: while every crewmember's attention was on their desks, the Captain's right hand was clenching and unclenching in a fist every few seconds. _Worry_. Yes, Bones knew a worried Jim when he saw one. Goddamnit, the kid had seen it coming, hadn't he?

"I think Mr. Spock noticed first," Pavel said softly, as if not to disturb the silence of the bridge in the vid.

Indeed, the first officer seemed to have noticed Jim's tension and frequent looks, Spock's attention was now entirely focused on the Captain and the Helmsman, one eyebrow raised as it always was when he was trying to solve a puzzle.

Then, out of the blue, all hell broke loose. Jim's hand shot to his forehead, his face scrunched in a face and Hikaru pushed himself from the desk, falling off his chair.

"_Sulu,"_ the Captain called, extending a hand in his man's direction.

"_My head..!" _

The CMO looked away as the doors swooshed open, it was Uhura and Scotty, probably coming to visit the patient. Pavel quickly turned the PADD off and smiled guiltily as he greeted his colleagues. Sulu's welcome was a bit colder, his face looking more serious than seconds earlier.

"You okay, lad?" Scotty asked, turning away from Uhura, with whom he had apparently been engaged in a fervent discussion involving lots of hand movements.

Nyota automatically searched McCoy's face for reassurances, her eyebrows set on a frown and a hand reaching to touch Sulu's. Bones's mind flew to all the times he'd heard that the Communication officer was a cold-hearted woman. Hah! If only the people from the academy knew how much Uhura cared for her friends.

"Yes, yes," Hikaru said quickly, smiling tightly. "Just a bit weirded out, I guess."

"Can you remember what you saw?"

"Yes, of course. But I mean, _what_ I saw doesn't really matter. I often remember it, in fact." his voice went lower. "It's how it _felt_."

There was no immediate answer, everyone waiting for him to develop his statement.

"I think I was never more scared in my life than in that moment. Remember, when I fell off the platform, over Vulcan?"

Pavel's nods were a little frenetic.

"Well I dream about it sometimes. That and other moments from that day," he lowered his gaze but Nyota forced him to look at her, squeezing his hand and finding his eyes.

"We all do, Hikaru."

He nodded.

"I know. That's normal, the Captain and I often talk about it."

Well that was news, McCoy thought, raising an eyebrow. He could see the surprise in Uhura's face too, but she chose not to comment on the information either.

"But this time it was different. I felt like- I _knew_ I wouldn't wake up. It wasn't a dream. It was real life all over again. I tried to- I really tried to–" Sulu sighed when he couldn't finish his sentence, and Bones grumbled.

"Come on kid, try and get some more rest, no point in tiring yourself like that now."

"I think- what would have happened if Mr. Spock didn't pull me out?_" _Sulu finally asked, and a shiver made him draw the cover higher on his chest. "I thought I was _really_ going to die_."_

"Would you consider that to be your worst memory, Mr. Sulu?"

McCoy swore as he nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn't heard his doors open to let the damn green blooded Vulcan in. Jim was there too, although he seemed thoughtful and was quiet for now. Bones wondered how long they had been standing there and squinted his eyes to focus on Jim. The Captain -his best friend- was still keeping his distance from his First Officer, apparently. It was something Leonard had noticed that very morning. Jim, who was always a "no personal space" kind of guy had been avoiding being near Spock since he'd woken up on the bridge (trying to choke McCoy, of all things). It would have been kind of funny, seeing the Captain step back when his First Officer stepped forward, had it not been bugging McCoy to no end. Why would Jim react that way? He was a little bit stiffer than usual, but he didn't shy away from contact with the other crew members.

"Excuse me?" Sulu asked with a dumbfounded expression. He had probably not noticed the Vulcan was there either.

"Would you say the memory you dreamt of yesterday on the bridge was your worst?" Spock repeated calmly, his arms linked behind his back and his eyebrow raised.

"Yes. It probably was. I mean, it's not everyday I nearly _die." _

"Why would you ask that, do you have a theory?" Nyota asked, her whole body turning Spock's way as it always did when he entered a room. McCoy wondered if they even noticed anymore.

"Indeed I do, but the Captain hasn't been -" Spock glanced at Jim and McCoy wondered if the eyebrow could go any higher, "-very helpful in proving it right or wrong. It concerns the effects of the drug both the Captain and Lieutenant Sulu have been injected with on the planet."

Bones threw a dark look at his best friend, but the Captain only shrugged and shook his head.

"Well? Are they gonna be fine now?" Scotty asked simply, not one to be intimidated by the Vulcan or the tension in the room.

"That depends on your definition of the word fine. If the drug was indeed created to seek out the worst memory in the mind of the victim and bring it out, then the physical consequences are over by now. _But,_ seeing as how said memory has been called out, it is only logical to assume that it is now on the forefront of their minds."

Spoke paused and there was a thoughtful silence before Sulu cleared his throat and frowned.

"But as I just said, it's not like this memory was long forgotten or something, it was still fresh in my mind. Does that mean that nothing's changed?"

Spoke glanced Jim's way again, raising an eyebrow. Okay, now Leonard _really_ wanted to know what the hell was going on between those two.

"I cannot be sure, but some _elements"-_Jim rolled his eyes- "seem to prove that the memory is enhanced in some way, making it more vivid and lifelike. It will most certainly be very unpleasant, if not entirely distressing."

"Can't you do your psi-magic on them if it happens again?" Bones asked, his tone nearly challenging.

"I am at Mr. Sulu and the Captain's entire disposal if they need my skills," the First Officer answered, tilting his head stiffly like he always did. "Moreover, a team is working on the research documents found when arresting the scientists responsible. They are ordered to contact the Enterprise as soon as they find something related to this."

Jim's comm chose that moment to blip, signaling an incoming message. He read it and frowned.

"Scotty, one of the guys from engineering wants to see us both. Know anything about that?"

The head department, who was reading a similar message shook his head and shrugged. They both departed after assuring Spock he wasn't needed. Bones had the gnawing impression Jim was happy to get away from his first officer's presence, and he didn't like it. Not that he liked being in the Vulcan's presence himself, but Jim usually liked having his second's logical opinion on ship matters.

Spock stayed behind as he was told, but Leonard could see he was not happy about it (but then again, what was the green-blooded hobgoblin ever _happy_ about?).

"Will you please cough up what's wrong, now?" the doctor asked impatiently. That seemed to call back the Vulcan's attention on the waiting group still watching him. They had all noticed something was off.

"Why did you infer the Captain isn't cooperative to find out what happened?" Uhura added.

Spock took a second to think before saying in his usual neutral tone, "I believe that, on the contrary, the Captain is decided to find out what happened. From what I gather, he does not wish to see Mr. Sulu here in any more distress. He has actually been working on theories since the event occurred yesterday."

Well that was news - _again_.

"But it is true that he is reluctant to share his own experience of the ordeal. He claims he does not remember any of it and thus will not be as bothered as the Lieutenant."

For someone who did not know inflections, Spock managed to share the feeling that he didn't believe Jim quite well.

"And how do we know for sure that he is lying? Maybe selective memory did its job," Sulu offered, unconvinced himself.

Spock took even longer to answer, and if McCoy didn't know better he'd have thought the Vulcan was steeling himself.

"I am sure of the Captain's understatement because I can still feel the echoes of the dream coming from him."

"Excuse-me?"

Spock nodded and added, "When I touched him while he was unconscious, I felt the utter desolation he was in. I am convinced that his anguish is intense because it shocked me before I could actually make a connection. He was projecting it unconsciously."

Was _that_ why Spock had jumped out of his skin and nearly ran away when he'd tried the psi trick on Jim yesterday? Bones didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. It had to be _intense_ to make the loyal (he had to give him that) First Officer literally flee. Spock hadn't even tried to help when Jim had become violent against McCoy on the bridge. He had placed himself as far as possible, and Bones hadn't understood why he looked like he'd been punched in the guts by an angry Romulan. Even as he said the words now, McCoy could see micro-signs of the Vulcan's discomfort.

"I was surprised at the time but I have meditated at length after that and I believe I am more prepared now, if such an episode was to repeat itself. My certitude that he is not entirely truthful comes from the fact that I can clearly discern the same kind of unusually vivid feeling emanating from him, when I stand close enough to him."

"I thought you werea _touch_ telepath, not a _close enough_ one," Bones said, and if his voice held acid it was for the implications he could begin to see.

"That is a testimony of the intensity of his state."

"Wait a minute, I know he was pretty bad yesterday," Sulu began, pointing to Pavel's PADD, "but he doesn't look _anguished_ now."

"I believe the anguish was in the dream. The remaining feeling is but an echo of the - the _chaos_ I could sense yesterday, which comforts the idea of the dream remaining on the forefront of his mind despite the worst of it having passed."

"Did the keptin receive more drugs than Hikaru, commander?" Chekov asked. It was the first word he'd gotten in since the Vulcan had started hitting them with shocking revelations, and Bones glanced his way only to see the young man positively white with concern. Bones ignored the surge of affection he felt for the kid to keep his head on the matter at hand.

"No, Jim said the drug was airborne and the mad-scientists broke Sulu and his masks so they wouldn't be protected," he explained. "That's how they got sick."

"So why was it harder for the commander to help the keptin?" Chekov said, and Bones just looked at him. The Russian teenager was a genius, he didn't need to ask the question. They all understood what it meant.

"How bad _is_ Jim's worst memory?" Uhura whispered.

.

They had looked at him for answers. As if Leonard obviously knew what had been so painful in Jim's past that it had sent a Vulcan flying. As if he would _tell _them if he did. Bones had to admit, he'd been as much impressed by Spock's silence as he had been frustrated by it: they had asked him what exactly he had felt on the bridge, what had been so bad that he couldn't even handle it? The Vulcan had answered that those feelings were Jim's to disclose if he wished. Still, everyone remembered how he had said that Jim wouldn't wake-up the same if they didn't do something to help him. At the moment he'd said it, no one knew that the two victims were only reliving memories as if they were real. Now that they did, Spock's assessment and reaction on the bridge were alarming. What had been so maddening about it?

It had also become obvious now why Jim always found a way to keep a few steps between him and his first officer, although Bones wondered if it was because he didn't want to hurt Spock or just to keep his privacy (and keep pretending he was fine). Other than the physical distance he was now always maintaining with Spock, the Captain looked exactly like his usual self. It was weird, seeing him act perfectly normally but _knowing_ there was something wrong. And if Spock could _still_ feel it without needing to touch him, that meant it was _more_ than a small hindrance.

"Doctor McCoy, something has to be done for the Captain. I believe that no human is able to process such powerful feelings for that long without it leaving consequences on the psyche."

"Did something happen?"

"No, but while Mr. Sulu reports he's feeling much better since his nightmare incident, I can sense no such amelioration in the Captain."

A better inspection of the First Officer taught Leo that Vulcans also had bags under their eyes when they couldn't sleep well enough. The fact that Spock couldn't physically hide his own state of unrest gave more weight to his statement.

"Good God, man, why do you insist on sticking to his side all day long if you constantly feel the brunt of it?"

The commander didn't answer right away, his eyes looking away and back at the doctor before he was ready to talk.

"I wish to be able to ascertain the Captain's state myself. For some reason, Jim will not tell the truth when asked."

McCoy snorted. "And that surprises you? At the academy, he wouldn't admit anything was wrong before I actually saw blood and he couldn't deny he was hurt."

"Unsurprising indeed, but as you have certainly noticed after that unfortunate collapsing incident that happened the second month of his captaincy, and after we both explained to him the responsibilities he had toward his crew, he never refused to go to your medical bay for help."

Leo didn't deny it. After that one time the idiot had passed out in his quarters because he had acted all tough and fine after another away mission gone wrong, he had never made the same mistake again. He understood hiding injuries or fatigue could hold dangerous consequences for the Enterprise and its crew, and however he felt about coming to McCoy for help, he would _never_ put his crew in danger.

"I believe the Captain sees no way for us to help him out of his state of misery - " McCoy winced at the word but Spock went on, "and thus no reason to confide in us."

"Or maybe he likes his privacy."

"Indeed."

Whatever reason Jim had for keeping his nightmare to himself, McCoy guessed it was dumb. Or maybe he just hoped it was. Leonard would rather be annoyed with his friend than worried for him.

"What can be done?" he asked, his voice hinting at his defeat. Spock didn't say anything.

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I will probably post the third chapter in a few hours or tomorrow (expect action!). Meanwhile, I'd like to know what you think!


	3. Wild

3 –

_Days later, unknown planet._

The whole bridge crew was there when it happened. Actually, there were even a few members of their relief team with them. McCoy would have enjoyed the company and the dirty ground under his feet if only they had arrived there willingly. As it turned out, even the company of the brightest, bravest people of a generation didn't make up for being confined in this giant glass cage.

_Some people really were twisted mother f_-

A gasp interrupted Leonard's thought and he looked over his shoulder to Clarice.

In the almost two days since the captain-less group had been taken prisoner straight from the security of their ship in the most amazingly incomprehensible kidnapping of history, Clarice had been one of the only ones to stay calm and collected. Most of the others had had a moment or two of total freak-out, crying, screaming, or both. They had all tried to break the damn glass prison they were held prisoners in, but then one by one they'd realized it was no use. Their cell was in the middle of nowhere. Or at least it looked like nowhere. Only desert. Sand and dirt as far as the eye could see, and on every side of their cubic transparent hell.

Everyday, heavily armed humanoids wearing dark masks arrived on a shuttle, brought them water and food, and left again. They were a total of eight prisoners, and although at first they had all brought their heads together to try and find a way out, the discussion had started to slowly dwindle after the first twenty-four hours passed without any new idea. Their new room was basically a giant, empty cube of a weird glass-like material. There was one door, and the only electric cables visible encircled it and then plunged into the sand through a small hole in the glass. The prisoners knew the door was protected in some way. There was no handle and no other way that they could see or think of to open it. They had quickly come to the conclusion that it was wired to make them regret it if by miracle they actually managed to unlock it. Despite the two suns hitting them hard, they didn't feel heat. After their eyes had adjusted, it was okay. Then the night would fall and it wouldn't be cold. McCoy hadn't bothered to listen to the potential explanations that had been thrown around for a few hours. He didn't care about the identity of their captors or how they pulled off the kidnapping (beamed away from the Enterprise). He didn't even care about what would happen to him and the others.

There was only one question spinning around in his head, driving him crazy with new feelings and thoughts every time he considered it. What had happened to Jim?

They had all appeared straight into their glass purgatory, and no one had told them anything about the rest of the Enterprise. Their jailers had kept their mouths shut, not answering demands, questions, or the insults thrown at them. Clarice had been the first one to say what everyone thought, "It's okay, the Captain will get us out," reassuringly patting Janet, a communication officer. But hours had gone by, and no one had arrived. No one had dared voice out loud the possibility that the Captain had been taken too, but to another place, for other reasons. If the word dead had crossed anyone's mind, they had thought better than to utter it in Leonard's presence.

But then Leo turned, and he understood why Clarice now crumbled to the ground, as if the strings holding her up had suddenly been cut without warning. The silent shuttle had arrived again. Just in time for their meal, so Bones hadn't bothered turning. Except this time they were not five, as usual. They were ten. And half-walking, half-dragged in the center of their group was a man Leonard would have recognized with his eyes eaten away by vultures and his ears pierced to deafness. In a perfect symmetry to Clarice, Bones raised to his feet.

What had they done to him?

Jim couldn't hold himself up without help. His head dangled from one side to the other as he was pushed and pulled to move forward. More than once, he almost fell over before being caught and straightened. He wore dirtied, bloodied jeans and a black t-shirt turned grey with dirt and who knew what else. Without realizing it, McCoy had moved to the see-through wall, as if pulled by the appearance of his friend. Uhura at his left and Spock at his right seemed to have acted just like him. None of them talked, but Leonard knew he wasn't the only one feeling fury and thunder course through his veins. Someone said something behind them, and there were answers, but Leo didn't give a fucking damn.

They grew closer and closer, then the door swooshed open and they presented Jim to them as if he was their meal. The Captain stumbled in, and the men left.

Everyone was on him at once, but the crew was wise enough not to place themselves between the Captain and the Doctor right now.

"Jim," Leonard called, putting an arm around his shoulders to keep him up. Sulu was already on the other side, helping.

Kirk's left eye was so swollen it stayed closed, but the other one popped open and McCoy was taken aback by how fierce the blue iris looked back at him. Suddenly, the weight grew lighter in Leonard's arms, and Jim was holding himself up almost fine on his own.

"Did they feed you?" was the first question out of his mouth.

McCoy frowned in surprise and wondered if they had kept _him_ without food in addition to the obvious torture session.

"Yes, we're all perfectly peachy."

Jim got away from the two pairs of hands touching him as if he recoiled from the contact, and walked into the glass room to check up on everyone by himself. Shocking everyone, Uhura only gave him a few seconds to reassure himself before throwing her arms around him.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered, but McCoy was close enough to hear.

Leonard glanced around. Everyone seemed relieved somehow, and he realized he'd been right. People had not dared speak of Jim's death for his sake only. At the same time, a new sense of defeat seemed to infiltrate the air. If Jim was trapped with them, he couldn't be the one saving them.

Only after several seconds passed did McCoy realize Kirk was not returning Uhura's hug. He had snorted at her low avowal, as if the mere idea of his death could be deemed absurd somehow. It was a dark kind of sound, and suddenly Leonard understood why the flash in Jim's eyes earlier had made him uneasy. It had looked way too similar to the savage glint the doctor had seen in the dirty blond's expression as he was choking him on the bridge. As Nyota moved away and quickly regained her composure, Bones realized Jim was on the edge of being _that_ animal again. _What_ had they done to him?

The Captain started to tilt to the left, and almost immediately everyone's hands jolted his way to steady him.

"No," he shouted them to a stop. His eyes slowly rose to meet Spock, who, come to think of it, had not pronounced a word in hours. "Don't touch me."

The Vulcan nodded to the order and retreated. He didn't comment but his eyes carefully observed every inch of the battered man. Bones quickly saw that Jim was exhausted and needed to rest, and he was adamant that any questions would have to wait. They were not going anywhere, were they?

"Wake me up before the suns rise. Do you understand? you have to wake me up before the suns rise," Jim first ordered and then kept repeating obsessively even as he started to nod off.

Just when Leonard replaced his own legs with a rolled up jacket to act as a cushion for a now sleeping Jim, the latter's voice raised clearly and as alert sounding as could be.

"Spock, the order still stands: don't approach." He didn't open his eyes, but he sounded unyielding, and everyone stood silent as they watched the First Officer, exiled to the farthest corner of the cube, nod again. "Tonight, only one on watch-out, rounds of 3 hours," he added. And then he didn't make another sound for hours.

.

Nyota woke up both Leonard and Spock, who had been in a deep state of meditation, when her shift as a watch-out was up. If they weren't too off in their calculations of the suns cycle, the first one would soon appear in the desert's horizon.

"It's time," she whispered, not wanting to wake up the others. Some were already stirring up though, and she just put a finger to her mouth when Chekov opened his eyes and found her hovering around him to get to the Captain.

She squatted by his side and looked at him for several seconds, probably assessing his state the same way Bones had tried to for almost two hours before he could actually fall asleep.

"Captain," she said very softly as she extended a hand to touch his shoulder. She hadn't even grazed him before his hand shot to intercept hers; blocking it in a tight grasp smoothly and soundlessly. His eyes opened then, and he stared at the woman several seconds, his eyes hard and demanding, before recognition finally dawned on him just as Bones started quickly making his way toward them.

"It's just me, " Uhura said, still careful not to disturb anyone else.

"Okay," he answered her, low and deliberate.

Spock hadn't even budged in their direction, respecting his orders, but Chekov was on alert now, and he looked from Bones to the Captain, waiting for someone to cue him on what was happening and what he was supposed to do.

Jim let go of the communication lieutenant and passed a hand on his face as if it could wash away dirt, sleep and pain at once. Carefully, he rose up to his feet, shaking his head no when McCoy extended his arms in support.

"Not now," Jim mouthed. He then looked up to the sky, which was starting to lighten up slowly.

Walking around the room, he inspected each and every sleeping individual in the room, all the while stretching limb by limb. He winced and his breath caught in his throat a few times, probably because of injuries the foolish kid didn't want Bones to look at yet. By the time the second sun was set in the sky, Jim was sitting Indian style right in front of the door, watching straight outside. Spock was standing up in a corner, hands behind his back, and both Nyota and Bones were sitting by his side. Leo had paced for half an hour before Jim had finally looked at him and advised to _save his energy_. So now they waited.

The suns progressively woke up the rest of the sleeping crew, and when morning really settled in night's stead, most of the prisoners were alert. Some moved to join others, Sulu and Chekov walking to stand guard behind their Captain for example. There were murmurs and quiet conversations for a moment, but Jim's obvious deep concentration ended up imposing silence just as if a heavy cloak had fallen on everyone, muffling the sounds until it was useless to talk any more.

This was a new Captain. They had seen James T. Kirk facing impossible situations, from staring into the eyes of weapon-wielding Klingons to quelling crazed tribes' rebellions and saving the universe. They had seen him win no-win scenarios, always with his unstoppable will to survive, that incredible force that emanated off of him in waves and was impossible to turn down or ignore. Until the last minute, he bit, kicked and fought. He loudly shared ideas and asked crazy questions to build even crazier plans of actions.

But now he looked nothing like that.

He just sat there, his hands folded on his lap, his eyes locked on a point far away with a burning passion that had never looked this savage. He was so focused; no one -not even Bones- tried to talk to him.

"Get ready," Jim then said, simple but powerful. Everyone rose to their feet, looking at one another and trying to understand what had happened until it quickly became clear: the shuttle was back.

The five usual black masked men walked out of it immediately, but leading them was a new face. He was a human, tall and lean, he sprung toward them quickly and his uncovered face was set in a furious expression that grew clearer as he approached. The six captors stopped before the door, and Jim slowly straightened and got up.

"What have you _done_?" the leader spit, his voice clear despite the glass barrier.

"You shouldn't have taken my people, Bruce," Jim bat back in the exact same tone.

"What do you think you can do from here? You have no idea where you are and you have no way to leave. You weren't even able to protect your crew when you were on your own ship, just give up."

"You really don't know me, do you?"

And then something impossible happened. The door opened.

Before anyone could start to comprehend that it had not been the captor's doing, Jim was at his throat. He advanced quickly, keeping the man between him and the other guards by never untightening his chokehold. He didn't stop walking and in one seemingly choreographed movement, he grabbed the first masked man's phaser and shot two of the others with it before they could react. It was set on kill. The three remaining guards tried to shoot, but the body of that Bruce man was still protecting Jim, so they hesitated. The captain pushed said body on the closest standing attacker and shot another one, never missing his targets. Spock, who had moved as soon as the phasers had been drawn, swiftly took care of one of the opponents using his psi-points. Kirk, now shield-less, threw his weapon away carelessly and ignored the last man trying to kill him – Spock dealt with him soon enough – to run toward the shuttle without a care for the fact that a few hours ago, he was unable to hold himself upright.

From where the other captives were, now pouring outside their cell, Sulu was the first to recognize the signs of a shuttle getting ready to take off, but before the wide doors closed, Jim had jumped inside. Bones, Sulu and Spock ran after him – one of them yelling at the idiot to stop before he killed himself – but the ship was sealed shut, and no one could see what was happening inside.

Time stood still for several seconds before the doors fell open, hitting the floor to cough the few steps that lead inside. And their champion finally got out.

"Damn it, Jim," Bones heard himself say with relief. The stupid genius had managed to collect a brand new series of injuries bleeding all over his face.

"Not now, Bones," he threw the doctor's way without even looking at him.

He was walking decidedly, each step could have made the ground tremble, his fury seemed so heavy. They arrived just as Chekov was picking up a phaser to aim at a slowly recovering Bruce. He passed by Pavel and grabbed the now severely bruised and dirtied man by the collar and arm, dragging him away just as easily as a lifeless doll despite his attempt at kicking Jim away.

"Stay back." It was Kirk's lips moving, but the man around them was barely recognizable. The aura he oozed, the voice he used… Bones wasn't sure he knew who _that_ was. His order rang in the air and lingered, weighting on everyone like steel.

He pulled that Bruce guy far enough to be out of ear shot, and the rest of the crew just stood there, watching as their Captain all but jumped on the man on the ground. He landed with cat-like agility, one knee blocking a right arm, the other expertly digging into the leader's stomach to easily inflict damage if need be. His fingers dug into the other man's jaw and cheeks as he made him look up to the sky. This couldn't end well. Not thinking of anything but Jim, Bones walked closer, ready to intervene, but Spock quickly came up to him and stopped his approach.

"The Captain has issued orders," Spock explained, but Leonard knew there was something else. He didn't care though, he was close enough to hear and see Jim clearly, and he could stop him if things went too far.

"Look up," the captain said with this new tone of his, his own eyes locked on the target of his ministrations. His face drew even closer to Bruce's, and his grasp visibly tightened on him too. "I said look up."

Bones himself only looked away from the scene when several exclamations behind him forced him to raise his eyes to the sky. _The Enterprise!_ The doctor had never loved the damned piece of junk more than in that second as it seemed to arrive right from between the two suns.

"My Enterprise. Did you think my ship, _my men_, wouldn't recognize your second-hand useless ersatz of a crew? Did you think you could _replace_ us?"

"How is that –"

"You chose the worst possible moment in your life to take away _my_ people from me. What had you planned for them? Were you going to abandon them here to starve, if your plans for the Enterprise had worked out?"

Bones wasn't sure what scared him most, Jim's hand moving to the man's throat, or the utter, irrational, immeasurable distress radiating from the Captain as he began to shake over Bruce's body.

"Captain this is not _him_. You are not _there_. Release that man; your people – your crew – is safe and unscathed," Spock said.

_What the hell? _

But Jim didn't move. He wasn't actually choking his opponent, but the hand was there, threatening to.

"I know exactly where I am, Commander," he answered, his voice still authoritative yet controlled. He didn't move an inch before a full team of armed red shirt beamed by their side. There were five of them lead by the head of security, also known as Cupcake within the Enterprise.

"Captain!"

Jim rose to his feet and caught the communicator Cupcake threw him with one hand.

"Bridge, this is your Captain. Beam the rescued crew aboard. I'll go last with our prisoner and security. Have a team ready to walk Mr. Bruce Bailey to the brig."

"Beaming the crew. It's good to hear you, Captain."

For the first time since the moment he arrived the day before, Jim's expression cleared. He finally looked up to the sky and gazed at the immensity of the Enterprise.

"It's good to be back."

.

The following return to the Enterprise, caring for the injuries (a.k.a, having Kirk in sickbay) and explanation of the whole episode flew by quickly. A group of men exiled out of Earth on a personal vendetta against Starfleet had used advanced alien technology slash mumbo jumbo to bypass the Enterprise's security and managed to lock the bridge long enough to beam everyone inside out, and use the same alien powers to transport an equal number of people in. This was beyond technology; this was what Earthlings called magic. Holding them captive in the weird cell was necessary because the originals needed to be alive for the _copies_ to be able to keep up their appearances. This was far from being their first _supernatural_ encounter since the Enterprise had embarked on her five-year mission, but it was still as difficult to comprehend to McCoy as the first time.

The plan had been to manipulate the Enterprise into starting a war with the Klingons (what was new?) and then using it to _lose _that war badly. Of course, they hadn't counted on Captain Kirk, who they'd beamed into their own ship and HQ for more personal fun and interrogation (on the off chance they could learn something useful).

"Their first mistake was leaving me alone in a room of their ship between interrogations," Kirk had explained. He had found his way through the pipes to a computer, and had hacked the system to send untraceable messages to key members of the crew of the Enterprise. That was on the first day. On the second one, he had slipped away again, but this time to find a way to track the part of his crew that was captive. He found the information coming from the cell soon enough (turned out it was highly monitored, but Bones certainly had no idea how) and was able to hack the door system too. It obeyed a recognition program, which was good for Jim because he easily added himself into the list of people with authorized access. Then it was just a matter of good timing.

Or at least that's how Jim put it, downplaying everything from the torture he'd lived to the utter brilliance he'd put to use. Oh how Bones was glad the kid was a genius.

.

* * *

New pace for this chapter, liked it?


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